You were one of among tens of thousands of other clones being created for an army of super soldiers to be loosed upon the world by the Shadow Government in its plans to bring us all under its control. But there was something special about you. Something so special, in fact, that your mother, who isnâ??t really your â??motherâ?, but the female scientist that was assigned to you, and I decided to hatch a scheme to steal you away from that place and raise you as our very own child. After carefully sabotaging the Shadow Governmentâ??s plan and escaping in a truly heroic fashion involving guard dogs, cyborg ninjas, and many, MANY explosions, we found our way to this quaint Midwestern town where we all live in hiding under assumed names to keep under their radar should they ever want revenge.

But even though we no longer work for those villains, we still consider the experiment to be on-going. Thatâ??s why we take time every day to record videos of your progress with our Sanyo 720p HD Camcorder. You remember when we had you lift that tractor over your head? Well, it was important for our research that we capture that moment in high definition 1280Ã?720 30fps video and H.264/MPEG-4 AVC format. With several white balance, light measuring, and exposure controls, every video we take of your runs through the laser obstacle course in the basement is perfectly lit and rendered for our needs. And not only that, but it came with a fetching travel case, a 1GB SD Card, and 2 Li-ion batteries, so that we never miss a moment, even when you use your psychic powers to steal toaster pastries from the pantry, you little scamp.

Oh, look at the clock. Itâ??s getting close to your bedtime, young man. You know the rules. Letâ??s get you in your jammies and practice using your setting things on fire with the power of your mind before sleepy ni-ni time.

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